John's interview with Mister
John:	Your fans are panting for information about you, Mister.
Mister:	(chuckling) Ah, the adoring public. Well, I'm a domestic short-hair British Blue male feline quadruped.
John:	'Quadruped'?
Mister:	Four legs, one at each corner. And I'm 20.
John:	(amazed) That's so old!
Mister:	Manners, please! I'm mature, rich in experience and wisdom.
John:	Your childhood?
Mister:	As a cat, so I was as a kitten – incredibly intelligent, hugely handsome, and astonishingly athletic.
John:	Self-praise is no recommendation.
Mister:	Someone's got to tell it the way it is.
John:	And your parents?
Mister:	(sadly) Never knew my dad. And my mum was killed by a car two months after I was born.
John:	Oh dear! (wipes eyes with hanky)
Mister:	Indeed. Four legs good, four wheels bad.
John:	(bravely carrying on) Likes?
Mister:	Food, sleep and sun – in no particular order.
John:	Dislikes?
Mister:	Canines, toddlers, and inferior cuts of meat. Which reminds me – where's that Scotch fillet you promised me yesterday.
John:	(whispering guiltily, after a long silence) I ate it.
Mister:	WHAT! YOU GREEDY HUMAN!
John:	No bad language, Mister. Children might be reading this.
Mister:	FLUBBERWOP!